Affair Infidelity

What reasons are there for infidelity?

A 'reason', or explanation, is not the same as an excuse, deceit is often the most painful aspect of an affair. However, once you are over the initial shock, it may help you both to reflect on the possibility of an underlying problem, which is often related to essential needs not being met (not meaning that one is entirely responsible for meeting another's needs).

  • Transitions - pregnancy, birth, children leaving home, mid-life, redundancy, death.
  • Problems - neglected, rejected, bored, revenge
  • Leaving Relationship - dissatisfied, development, never been right
  • Gender Issues - 'coming out', lesbian/homosexual
  • Behavior Issues - obsessive compulsive behaviour, 'hunting'
  • History Parent(s)' - affair(s)
  • Specific (wanting to escape) - infertility, illness, disability
  • Sex - higher sex-drive, sexual problems
  • Fear - of being single, when not in a relationship
  • Status - here an 'out of balance' essential need
  • Opportunity
  • Curiosity

Is a Cyber Affair Cheating?

Cyber affairs are actually a form of emotional infidelity. Although in the early stages, thereís no sex involved, most emotional infidelity eventually leads to sexual infidelity if left unchecked . But men and women view cyber affairs very differently.

Most men donít consider cyber affairs as cheating. However women view them quite differently. A survey in Divorce Magazine found that only 46 percent of men considered intense internet relationships to be infidelity, compared to 72 percent of women.

Are Cyber Affairs Serious?

Many people question whether or not cyber affairs should be taken seriously -- especially, if thereís no sex involved. A cyber affair is a VERY serious threat. A cyber affair should be treated as seriously as a sexual affair, because left unchecked, thatís where it will eventually end up.

In the past 10 years, divorce attorneys have reported seeing an increase in divorces and separations resulting from cyber infidelity. According to the Fortino Group, one-third of divorce litigation is caused by online affairs.

It doesnít take much for a cyber affair to make the transition from cyberspace to the real world. Several studies have found close connections between cyber affairs and subsequent sexual affairs.

  • According to statistics, 50% of people who engage in internet chats have made phone contact with someone they chatted with online.
  • One study found that 30 % of cyber-affairs escalate from e-mail to telephone calls to personal contact.
  • Another study found that 31% of people had an online conversation which eventually led to real-time sex.

So donít make the mistake of underestimating a cyber affair.

Trust but Verify!!!!!

Adultery can be stopped! Adultery can be detected!

Leon forgot to call when he first arrived at the medical conference. That's not like him. Dan forgets to bring home groceries and seems fluttered. Jerry stands before his congregation and promotes integrity and character but is not himself. John says he's stopping for a few beers and won't be long Ė he was hours late. Benny claims car troubles but never thought to call home until his wife called the police for help. And Howie played an extra 9 nine holes of golf but it was dark at 6 p.m.

Seven stories - seven situations where trust is paramount. Which spouseís excuse is the truth? Which one helps to ease the spouse's fears?Not one of these men ....... why? Adultery is probably the motivator and answer. Excuses lead to lies, lies lead to deceit, deceit leads to guilt, guilt leads to a pattern of betrayal.

Are you lead down a path of lies? Stop the pain Ė trust but verify!!!