Adultery In Marriage

Most of us believe marriage is for life, and that adultery is wrong — and yet 22% of men in their first marriage admit to an affair, and about 40% of British marriages end in divorce.

You have one, perhaps. I certainly do. So do most of the people who live on my street in west London. Sometimes a marriage is fabulous and wonderful, a miraculous union of souls connected in eternal bliss. And at other times it’s a bit tarnished, wretched. One day it could be a shiny Aston Martin, the next a scruffy Ford Fiesta. And sometimes it might be in between. We’re talking holy wedlock here, perhaps the most difficult journey we’ll make in our lives. Some consider it so arduous a path that they do not even attempt it. Others, such as Elizabeth Taylor, Rod Steiger and Marlon Brando, make a habit of it. Each trip up the aisle a triumph of hope over experience.

So how’s yours doing? If you are feeling the strain at the moment, there may be an explanation. You have just lived through “Black Monday”. This is the day in the year when divorce lawyers and counsellors such as Relate receive the highest volume of calls. The bleak month of January is when many people who have endured the “pressure cooker” fortnight of family life reach breaking point – and for the nearest helpline. This year, Gloomsday fell last week, on January 8. So if you’re still living under the same roof as your spouse, you’re a survivor.

But for every unhappy husband or wife who makes for the exit this month, there will be many more who acknowledge their differences, learn to resolve them and stay put. As Henry Thoreau, the American writer, put it so succinctly, “The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.” So the married and harried couples muddle through.

So what better time than the present to put the nation to the test? We set out to investigate the state of modern marriage in Britain today. Is it “quiet desperation” behind the curtains? Or a sea of love behind those bedroom doors? We wanted to hear your views on marriage and family, sexuality and divorce. Do you still believe in marriage “till death us do part”? And should splitting up be made easier?

WHEN ADULTERY STRIKES YOUR MARRIAGE

At one time or another over 60 percent of American marriages will suffer from an affair. In the vast majority of cases, the couple is better served by taking their marriage to Calvary.

In fact, the crisis of an affair brings many spouses to Christ. And, when couples take their marriage to Calvary they never have to take it to court. However, in a few cases drug abuse, wife abuse, child abuse, child sexual abuse, or a series of adulterous affairs make it impossible for the marriage to survive.

Over the years, hundreds of couples have come to see me in the crisis of an affair. Although each couple is unique, the questions they present are very similar. I want to discuss with you the five questions I am most frequently asked by couples whose marriage is suffering from adultery.